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First post FTW, lulz - i rite badfic LOL [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
i rite badfic LOL

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First post FTW, lulz [Apr. 17th, 2008|04:58 pm]
i rite badfic LOL

iritebadficlol

[kari_izumi]
Oh, and also...Man, I have a lot of badfic to my name back in my day! Most of it's Star Trek, and the worst of it's gone either through FF.net deleting my script fics or me being embarrassed enough to pull it down.

But I did have one that I can still point and laugh at:


T'Pol Kills The Enterprise Crew

WARNING!!!!!!!!!: This story is crewd. If you are sensitive or a T'Pol or Archer fan don't read this. If you do, you've been warned! P.S.: It rambles. Enjoy!

T'Pol was in her quarters jamming to the music of Ludacrous, Snoop Dogg, and J-Lo when Captain Archer calls her to the bridge.

Archer:Damnit come NOW!!!

T'Pol:That's BS!! And my song was on too!!!!

So she unwillingly comes to the bridge, sits down at her station and turns the radio on to a rap station.

T'Pol:Yeah! This is tight!!

Mayweather:Ooooh my shoulder hurts! I need a massage!

T'Pol:Oh I can fix that!

She got up and went to the ensign and starts massaging him, and thinks of a pleasant fantasy of using the Vulcan neck pinch on him. She gets into it so much she massages him too hard and paralyzes him.

Mayweather:AACK!

He dies and the viewers don't care 'cuz we don't see him anyways.

T'Pol: Whoops! Heehee.................

Archer: OH MY GOD HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID TO KILL OUR ONLY HELMSMAN???????!!!!!!

T'Pol: My bad.......

Suddenly the ship was attacked by some Suliban or something like them. Archer stands up next to T'Pol. The ship was jarred again, and Archer falls into T'Pol's chest but his head is stuck in her fake boobs.

T'Pol: Oh THAT'S COVIENANT!!

Archer: *Muffled cries*

He struggles to get out, but can't and he suffocated to death.

T'Pol: Aww geez! This is dry clean only!!!!

Sato: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! WE HAVE NO CAPTAIN!!!!!!

T'Pol :SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!!!

As she turns around to say this, she moves too fast and Archer's body (Which is still stuck in her...um, you know) slaps Hoshi out her chair and into a vacuum that leads out into space. Archer's body was lodged loose, and it goes into the vacuum as well.

Sato:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They explode.

T'Pol: FUCKIN' SHIT!! 

Reed: Hey, my guns aren't working, could you help me?

Reed thought since all the bridge guys were dead that he could FINALLY get some from T'Pol.

T'Pol: OK..

She set the phaser settings with him, but outs it a little too high.

T'Pol: Ok, you just point it like this and-OOPS!!!!

Yep, she shot him.

Reed: Aaaa! It burns!!!!

He dies.

T'Pol: OH NO NOW I'LL NEVER GET THAT PROMOTION AT THE HIGH COUNSEL!!!

She was distraught, so she goes to Sick Bay so Phlox could give her some medicines, but Phlox wasn't there so she make her own and puts it into some needles. Phlox walks in from his date with Cutler and sees this.

Phlox: Well, hi there!

T'Pol: HUH?!

When T'Pol turned around and accidentially flung the needles at him and the medicine self-injected Phlox. The medicine, which was made to order for a female Vulcan, fucked up the Denobulan worse than he already was.

Phlox: AWW!! But I loves you!! (And dies)

T'Pol: MAN THIS IS SO FUCKIN' GAY!!

She is upset and wants to talk to someone, and remembers Tucker is a good listener, so she goes to the Engine Room to talk to him

Tucker was standing right over the top level over the opening of the warp core. T'Pol goes up to him.

T'Pol:Hey Trip, when you have a minute can we talk?

Tucker:Sure, I gotta go fix something now.

He tries to leave by going to his left which is the same side as the railing, but T'Pol's foot was there.He tripped and fell over the rail into the warp core.

Tucker:AAAAAAAA! DAMN SNEAKY VULCANS!!!!!!!!

Tucker fries in the core.

T'Pol: Jesus Christ!!!! This sucks ass!!

Nameless ensign: Are you kidding? Now you can command the ship.

She thinks on that a bit.

T'Pol:You're right! It doesn't suck after all!

Ensign:So...am I promted?

T'pol: No.

Being cheered up, she went back to the bridge and saw a vessel hailing Enterprise. T'Pol
opens the channel and sees Captain Janeway.

T'Pol: What the freakin'?

Janeway: Umm...what the stardate?

T'Pol: What's a stardate?

Janeway:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! WE WENT BACK IN TIME!!

Chakotay:At least we're back in the Alpha Quarent!

T'Pol: :)

Janeway was hella pissed. she order Tuvok to blow up the ship. Tuvok starts shooting photon torpedoes and phaser beams and shit.The Suliban or whatever assist Voyager in attacking Enterprise.

T'Pol:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! MY SHIP! MY BEAUTIFUL SHIP!!!

Ghost of Archer: Your ship?!?!?!?

The Enterprise was blown into 24237634095465762154120128 pieces and everyone dies.

Some years later Tuvok had the Ponn Farr and fucked a hologram of T'Pol. Paris got horny and fucked it too.

The end!!!!! (What a relief)

Notes:

1. The Voyager stuff came out of nowhere. I know it was not relevant.

2. I came up with this story after reading a similar sort of story in the Digimon section of this site.

3. It was in bad taste, even for me.

4. Don't waste your time flaming me 'cause I know what you will say.


The site this is hosted on has plenty more badfic ripe for the picking, if and when this comm picks up :)
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